Are You Desperate to See?

Jesus didn't die so we could have a religion.

Thursday, January 20, 2005

Popcorn & Friendship

I think God is popping popcorn. It takes 3 minutes and 3o seconds for a bag of microwave popcorn to pop in my microwave. Almost all of the popcorn pops in the last 30 seconds. I think God has been expanding my bag and heating me up and I am now popping all over the place. I cannot seem to stop with the ideas and thoughts God is pouring into me. They are coming all at once and I can hardly sleep because of it.

In my life I have never made friends easily. I can talk to anybody. Sometimes it stops there. The reason I don't make friends easily isn't because I am socially inept, ugly, mean or smelly. There is only one reason I do not have more friends: God. (Well, maybe I am some of those things but I am going with that it's because of God.) What, God not wanting me to have friends? That's right.

Growing up I usually only had one friend to count on if that. Sometimes I had none. Now let me say that as I get older, I have different catagories of friends. I have my personal circle of my husband, my mom and my sister, my dad and Pastor Juan and Evie that mentor me. I have my two best girlfriends that I can be all silly all the time with. Then I have friends I occasionally might have lunch or dinner with or even just a cup of coffee. I have loads of acquaintances and of course the youth I work with that I am up-close and personal with.

But really, socially speaking, after 28 rotations around the sun, I have 2 girlfriends that the world would look at and say, "Those are her two friends."

Many, many times when I meet people I immediately distrust them and I don't feel easy. I do not think I am jaded or on the defensive when I meet people. I just do not feel comfortable being around a vast majority of people past "Hello" and "How are you doing?"

Then there is the other population that has bugged me for a very long time. The people I think would make a great friend but seem to avoid me. It will bug me. It will grate on me. I will wonder why people are stuck up or unfriendly or why I have to be so dorky.

And God revealed to me that when my discerning stops sometimes they still are not good people for me to be friends with. Love them by all means. But sometimes they are infected with a sin that I might be highly contagious to or hurt by.

Case in point, there was a man who everyone seemed to get along with swimmingly. I didn't. He would often avoid me, not look up while we would pass in the aisle, and give me a pasty smile if he accidentally glanced in my general direction. If that happened, he would accompany the pasty smile with a stiff, "Hi." He was so friendly to so many people. He dressed nicely, had a nice home and car. And he didn't like me. I knew it. And I would ask myself what was wrong with me. Why do I have to be goofy? Is it my clothes? Something I say? The fact that my walk resembles the walk of a duck? What?

And God showed me it isn't what is wrong with me, it is what is right with me. Now, I don't mean that I am so wonderful and my poop doesn't stink or that I am above 99% of the population. But God has set me aside for a very long time. And I am finally embracing that and realizing that it is a good thing. When the majority of the world and my peers go sideways, God wants me to continue straight. He only allows people to get close to me in my life that will build me up. The few times in my life where I have pushed the situation and insisted that I be friends with someone, I would approach that person as a puzzle and I wanted to see where all the pieces fit. When I finally would get the whole picture put together, it was ugly. They weren't ugly, just my relationship with them.

I have been scarred by people I got close to intentionally by pushing my way through the natural resistance. This does not let mean people, introverts or pessimists off the line from working on their attitudes to be able to gain more relationships in life. Don't miss out.


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