I Need Discernment
I need someone to just vent to. Pity parties don’t last long in the presence of God. He knows my needs and concerns because I already dumped them at his feet.
But I am starting to understand how something can look the same on the outside but it is the subtle differences on the inside that make all the difference.
I am afraid of legalism. I am not going to minister to legalism. I cannot be under the thumb of legalism. I love God. I am listening to God. I am ready to move where God says to move. But I can’t have people feel responsible for my spiritual maturity and to tell me where to go, how to act and what to say. I can’t have someone looking over my shoulder and basing their judgments of my life on an event or action.
I feel horrible. I know I am leaving a safe place where I have thrived in my relationship with God. I am not ready to go back. I want life. I want fire. I want God fully. I don’t want God that has been filtered through man’s understanding. I want to follow Jesus. I want to read the Bible daily. I want to pray with a passion. I want to experience intimacy in worship. I want to pursue God with every fiber and not be distracted with what people are going to be thinking about the areas God hasn’t cleaned up yet. I need to dedicate my life, I need to focus my eyes on God, not on myself and what God hasn’t fixed yet. I need to focus my running in Christ, not on my flaws or sins. I need to focus my life on Christ and not on people’s perceptions.
And I am having a hard time because I don’t think where I am going is of the same mindset that if someone is focused on Christ the rest will take care of itself. It’s a small shift in the way things are viewed, but a very important way of approaching life. The result is often the same outward, but the change inward is night and day. I can act my way through life and church just fine. But I don’t want to. I don’t even want to do it to make life more copasetic for myself. I want to be real, flaws and all. Even if I’m in ministry, I don’t want to start hiding and concealing my defects so people won’t be upset. I want God to guide and direct my heart. I want to change because He has prompted me to, not because a person has pointed out the sawdust in my eye.
posted by Amber Lynn @ 3:29 PM
2 Comments:
Hello Amber,
Again, I must say that you are still one of my favorite blogs. Thanks, I was praying for you during your "down" time since the 12th of April. I figured something was up.
Not to be rude, but this "'now' faith is" generation will accept nothing less than "naked worship." This means they will accept no communion, no community, no koininia without blemishes, warts, and all.
They no longer want religion (outward). They do not want "denominational distinctives." They want what they call, "spirituality"
They want to worship in spirit and truth.
They are at the same place my generation was at after all the drugs, gurus, and rock festivals.
We are about to embark upon a new "Jesus People" type of revival.
Only those who can worship naked can lead them to Jesus. Programs will not be relavant or attended. They want and need relationship with God and fellowship with the Body. There is no fellowship without truth and honesty. There is only theater.
I have 5 children. I tell them that if they are not completey and honestly open with me then they are asking me to fellowship with some sort of puppet show that they are putting on. Koininia is not possible in the grey, only in the light.
You might find your next career move leads you to a legalistic or even charismania sort of situation. But it does not dump you there. You must remain like Jesus. This could draw trouble or it could bring revival. Do you have the character to live naked in the middle of folks who are clothed in gold rimmed robes and miter hats?
Blessings and agape,
Bruce Harpel
Sprucegoose
Bruce, Pray that I am that kind of person, please. I need the character that can stand in the face of human ridicule and still just be me. My problem is that I can fix myself in about two seconds and make everyone happy but then God doesn't get the chance to address the issue and fix it. Warts and all. I like it!
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