Focus Time

I have had a hard time concentrating on praying lately. My mind wanders. So I shall use the next five minutes as my prayer time and write it.

Lord, I think you for your hand in my life. You show me where to go so clearly. Thank you. Continue to pour yourself into me so that I can be ready for whatever you have. Give Jeremy and I discernment and wisdom about where to go next and what you want from us in our lives. You have given us so much Lord, and I want to give it back any way that I can. Just give us opportunity in any way, and we will respond. Over the next months, show us what decisions we need to make concerning the youth group so that we can be in step with your perfect will. May your will be done in my life and Jeremy’s life as it is in heaven. We are your vessels, and we pray you would move us where you want us. Bring down any barriers in our lives and in the places we are going so that you can move freely.

I pray for the youth group at the church we were at last weekend. Supply those teens with everything they are going to need to have an intimate relationship with you. Pour a vision and a desire in the leadership for those teens. Help them to know the love you have for those teens and help them to live and display that towards the teens there. I pray that you would revolutionize that whole group, that those teens could make a real impact in their community. I pray they would be different than they are now. I pray you would make them whole and holy and provide for every need there. I especially pray for the four teens who lost their mom on Sunday. I pray for extra blessings. I pray that your hand would be over them and upon them. Allow their needs to be fulfilled to overflowing at this point. I grieve for them.

Father, I pray for AJ as he prepares to move in. Allow Jeremy and I to be an example that you can use to prepare AJ for whatever is down the road. I pray that our house would be a place where he can look back in his life and realize that something special was here that would help prepare him for the right decisions to be made concerning his life. I pray that you give him a clear direction and allow his heart to be so soft and moldable that he is really and willing to go wherever you call and do whatever you ask. Continue to raise him up as a leader.

I pray for my brother and sister in law. I pray for a brokenness towards you to invade their lives. I pray that my brother would realize that who he hurt the most was you. Allow him to crave and desire you and your ways above anything else. Put a purpose and a plan in his heart. Allow him to experience the fullness of brokenness towards you so that you can begin to mend and heal what needs to be fixed. Allow him to pour out all the garbage and junk before you and not hold one morsel back. Reveal truth in his heart. Allow the truth of sin and his condition to pierce his soul in a real, life changing way.

I pray for the church where I am at, Father. Grant the leadership wisdom and guidance in what you want from us as your bride. Show us how you want us to minister to the world and the people you created round about us. Allow us to change the community we live in by the very presence of you. Allow us to carry around truth and light with us so that it would be noticed and it would help people to change their lives.

Give us wisdom with the teens. Show us where you want us and let us know what decisions you would have us make. Let your vision and purpose be crystal clear. Let us be teaching them what they need to know to be equipped to make good decisions. Let us give them the tools they need to have a real, vibrant and on-fire relationship with you.

Change your church from the inside out where we are at. Please allow your Spirit to move on us all and burn away the garbage. Let us be honest and venerable with you. Clean out the sin that would hold us back.. Help us to be focused on you and ready to give you all the praise you deserve. Let this be a time of accelerated learning in you about Jesus so that when the time is right, we are ready to move quickly. Make our feet and minds ready for all that you have. Allow us to be sensitive in all wisdom and discernment. Let our hearts be soft towards you. Make us ready to receive the miracles and the blessings you have prepared.

May your will be done in me, my family, my community and my church as it is in heaven.

Amen

(That really took 13 minutes to type.)

David's Example

My vision for teens comes from David in the Old Testament.

David was strong in the Lord before he ever showed up in the Bible. He had already won God's heart before he was anointed. God was looking for the heart of a king.

When David stepped on the field where Goliath was, the victory was in his heart because he was able to build upon the victories against the lion and bear that God had already won for him. He was so focused on God that the physical appearance meant nothing to him.

When Saul was tormented by an evil spirit, David would enter with his harp and be able to bring in the presence of God. He learned all these things out in the field and was able to have victory in God as a teenager.

I don't think teens have to go through rebellion. I believe they can live holy lives before God and be so whole that when all adults live in fear because of a giant in the land, they can be the ones to say, "My God is bigger than that." I think they can live as an example to everyone around them, anyone at any status. I believe teens can win God's heart to thedegree that God would bless them and anoint them at an early age to set the stage for great things during their life.

Between Me & God

I am joyful. I do not have to move! The church we were considering did not offer the job to my husband and me. We were at the place where we saw how the church needed us so badly that we told God we would go to do his work if they asked. They did not.

And it boiled down to the lack of full-time ministry experience for my husband. Our vision was what they thought they needed and every other piece fit perfectly except our experience. And the pastor said, “I can really tell you truly have a heart for God and that would be the one thing that might be able to help you overcome your lack of experience.”

You mean that following God, the creator, with his infinite wisdom he bestows upon any who ask, might help the lack of experience? Paul wrote that he counted all the experience, education and man-approval as rubbish because of Jesus. He preached Jesus and Jesus crucified, not his standing or credentials or education.

I might sound like I am mad at the church. I am anything but mad at that church. In fact, this is the one area I was so concerned about. There is such a difference in the way I view God’s power and ability and the way they fundamentally view God’s power and capabilities. Even in this area where all things matched up for the ministry they are lacking in the church, there wasn’t enough faith in God that if this was the man He sent that He would take care of the lack of experience.

My faith is large. If it wasn’t, I would not have considered the move to begin with. There was too much lacking. However, where I saw need I knew God would fill it if this was indeed His purpose.

Apparently it wasn’t, and I am so joyful. I feel a great kindness has been done to me by my Father.

Coming Together

I woke up after having a dream about people coming to my house to talk to my husband and I about the ministry job. I wasn't ready. I was in my PJs and there were stacks of stuff scattered all over the table. The rest of the house was clean.

So I am up at 5 am today. I walk over to my computer to turn it on and check on all you fine people and there is a sticky note on top of my computer-"Amber- I Cor 4:1-5 I love you! -J"

Don't imagine us leaders to be something we aren't. We are servants of Christ, not his masters. We are guides into God's most sublime secrets, not security guards posted to protect them. The requirements for a good guide are reliability and accurate knowledge. It matters very little to me what you think of me, even less where I rank in popular opinion. I don't even rank myself. Comparisons in these matters are pointless. I'm not aware of anything that would disqualify me from being a good guide for you, but that doesn't mean much. The Master makes that judgment. So don't get ahead of the Master and jump to conclusions with your judgments before all the evidence is in. When he comes, he will bring out in the open and place in evidence all kinds of things we never even dreamed of- inner motives and purposes and prayers. Only then will any one of us get to hear the "Well done!" of God.

What that says to me is that first of all, I need not worry about my status among people as a leader. (Sorry, everyone.) Secondly, it tells me that I need to continue to focus on God as my measuring stick because in the end, I'm accountable to him.

Thank you, J. I love you, too!

I Need Discernment

I need someone to just vent to. Pity parties don’t last long in the presence of God. He knows my needs and concerns because I already dumped them at his feet.

But I am starting to understand how something can look the same on the outside but it is the subtle differences on the inside that make all the difference.

I am afraid of legalism. I am not going to minister to legalism. I cannot be under the thumb of legalism. I love God. I am listening to God. I am ready to move where God says to move. But I can’t have people feel responsible for my spiritual maturity and to tell me where to go, how to act and what to say. I can’t have someone looking over my shoulder and basing their judgments of my life on an event or action.

I feel horrible. I know I am leaving a safe place where I have thrived in my relationship with God. I am not ready to go back. I want life. I want fire. I want God fully. I don’t want God that has been filtered through man’s understanding. I want to follow Jesus. I want to read the Bible daily. I want to pray with a passion. I want to experience intimacy in worship. I want to pursue God with every fiber and not be distracted with what people are going to be thinking about the areas God hasn’t cleaned up yet. I need to dedicate my life, I need to focus my eyes on God, not on myself and what God hasn’t fixed yet. I need to focus my running in Christ, not on my flaws or sins. I need to focus my life on Christ and not on people’s perceptions.

And I am having a hard time because I don’t think where I am going is of the same mindset that if someone is focused on Christ the rest will take care of itself. It’s a small shift in the way things are viewed, but a very important way of approaching life. The result is often the same outward, but the change inward is night and day. I can act my way through life and church just fine. But I don’t want to. I don’t even want to do it to make life more copasetic for myself. I want to be real, flaws and all. Even if I’m in ministry, I don’t want to start hiding and concealing my defects so people won’t be upset. I want God to guide and direct my heart. I want to change because He has prompted me to, not because a person has pointed out the sawdust in my eye.

Now

This morning in my devotion time, I read that God is in this moment. We shouldn't be waiting for a huge revelation in the future. We shouldn't camp out waiting for a revelation of God. He is revealed now.

And it helped me because I am at a place of limbo in my life right now. I see the writing on the wall, but I am still waiting. I need to move in God whole-heartedly right now with what I have right now.

Befuddled

I have questions, people.

When I read the New Testament, I get confused sometimes.

Peter and John were outside the gate Beautiful and a crippled man asked for money. Peter said, “I don’t have a nickel to my name but what I do have I give to you. In the name of Jesus Christ the Messiah, get up and walk.”

And that’s exactly what happened.

My question is, why doesn’t stuff like that happen anymore? (I know there are exceptions, but it isn’t prevelant.)

Why do some people pick prophesy and speaking in tongues out of the gifts Paul spoke of and say that they are dead now and don’t have a place in the world or the church anymore?

Where are the miracles that draw people in? Peter healed that guy and then a crowd gathered and he was able to tell people about Jesus the Messiah and people were saved.

My God does not change. The Counselor, Friend and Spirit he gave those guys is the same one we have today. I think it isn’t God that has changed, he is willing to pour out his Spirit in measure in order to revolutionize the world, but we aren’t looking for it. We aren’t expecting it. We aren’t ready for it. We don’t trust it.

Is that what is going on? Why is God seemingly less powerful than in those days?

What do you think?

My Fear

I am terrified of losing out on God. I am terrified that I won’t feel his presence like I do now. I am terrified that I won’t be able to walk in his power or enjoy a congregation that welcomes his presence like I get to experience now. I am afraid of walking away and settling for less of God than I have now. I am afraid that I will be surrounded by dull people; people that are dull towards God. I want a staff that is excited and animated about God. I want people that fully embrace everything God has to offer, even if they don’t grasp it with their minds.

I am so scared, God, of losing the intimacy and fire I have with you right now. Hold me in your arms. Never let me go. I don’t want less of you. I don’t want you to diminish in my life. I want more of you. I want you to grow in my life. I want my territory in you to expand.

It isn’t a conjured up feeling. It is a pursual of God, a hungriness and neediness of the things of God. It is a steady seeking of his face. It is being in his Word daily, praying throughout the day, giving mind, body and spirit to God in daily worship and corporate worship.

More on the Subject

I have a lot going on in my head today so I am posting again. There might be more. If you like to keep up, there will be plenty of reading material for you here!

I am continuing to mull this church move over in my head. I have come to several conclusions.

1. The church we are at now prayed us in. They were specifically looking for a young(er) couple with specific capabilities and viola! here we are. If we end up at another church, it is only because they prayed us in as well.

2. Whatever church we end up at, it is a church God is getting ready to bless, or is in the process of blessing. We have too much built up inside of us, too many giftings to end up in a church that doesn't need them. God has put them in us for a reason.

3. Whatever church we end up at, we will be a blessing. I say this not out of vanity or conceit but out of the knowledge that my husband and I both have completely crucified hearts towards God. Therefore, whatever God prompts us to do, we will be doing. We are diligent and faithful to God, each other and our ministry.

4. We cannot go to a church that views the youth group more as a service to be provided for the parents and/or a church that would view teens as a by-product of the regular growth of the church that has to be "handled". We can only minister fully at a church that is ready for a dynamic "church within a church" youth group and that is excited about the possibility of the membership/attendance of the youth group outgrowing (in numbers and spiritual maturity) the "regular" congregation.

5. Teens are (and must be seen as) a very important part of the growth of a church and blessings from God. My expectation is that teens are more willing to be crazy for God, since they are crazy about anything they are passionate about. They tend to be sponges; sucker fish for God. Because of that, they are chasing and pursuing God. And God wants people after his heart. When a person seeks out God, he shows up in a mighty, mighty way. He will be as powerful, real and strong with people as they can handle or expect. So the youth can be the forerunners or the gateway to a spiritual explosion in a church if handled correctly.

Update on Praying & Fasting

Someone had asked for an update on the prayer and fasting that is going on at the church.

We have been committed to praying for the past 14 days as a church congregation. (As part of the leadership team, it has been since January.) What we have committed to doing is praying for a total of forty days. Each day, three times a day, five minutes is set aside in prayer. At the end of forty days, we begin a 10 day fast.

As a side note, my pastor is not looking for a method or program to invoke the Spirit of God. He knows the church is hungry and ready for a huge change and shift.

So what has changed through the eyes of this youth worker?

One young man who was growing cold to the things of God and really starting to backslide has realized the urgency and neccesity of the message we teach. He is having quite a few "ah-ha" or as I call them "well duh" moments.

There is a renewed sense of urgency throughout the youth group that this is a time such that Jesus could come back at any moment. There is a renewed realization that they can decide to start committing their lives to God in 10 years, but God has numbered their days and they might not have until the end of the week. They are starting to grasp that they have purpose beyond self-indulgence and self-pleasure. They see that God has a plan and specific purposes for them and it is their choice whether they want to follow and be used. If they decide to do things their way, they will ultimately miss out.

They are becoming inspired to be leaders, to drive people to Christ. There is an urgency, a ferverency about the encounters I am having with them.

And so far, that is what I see with the fasting and prayer. I can't wait for more!

My Crossroad

Into your hands I commit my life.

My flesh is screaming at me to stress out. My flesh is trying to push into the front ground of my thoughts all the things I would miss, all of the reasons not to go.

But I will go where you want me to go. I will do what you want me to do. I'll do anything for you. My life is yours. I am your pawn, your vessel, your creation, your servant. I say it. I believe it. You take care of me. I seek the kingdom and your righteousness and you add all of these things to me. I can count the reasons to love these things that are here. But I know my life will be forever changed and blessed more abundantly by following you wherever you lead.

And if I turn back now, if I don't offer up this block to you, then what's the point? I have to start over. I have to withold something when I have promised to give you everything. I might as well have witheld everything and not ever started down the path of surrender.

I am a slave to love. I am a worker for the kingdom. My heart's cry is that I would be used wherever God needs me- wherever God needs us.

I have a passion. I have a flame. I have a burning desire and it is ready to be unleashed. It is ready to be released on teens somewhere. I don't dare hold it in. It would poison me.

God, I am yours. You knew if you brought me this far, I would step over the threshold. I will not forsake you. I will not begin to live my life for myself. Everything I am is constructed around you and your promises. If I pull out now, the whole house comes crashing down. I'm in too deep.

I'm too deeply in love with you. I'm too deeply impassioned with the things of you. I cannot, will not withold what you have given me to begin with. I'm yours.

If I lay it down for you, you will pick it up and give it back to me better than what I gave.

I trust you. Show me the way.

(I guess I set out to live for something more meaningful than I am. I have practiced living a life that is not about me. Now I guess this is what I want, right?)

My Prayer

During fasting, may my physical hunger would be less than my spiritual hunger for you. Where there is lack in the physical, let me be filled beyond measure spiritually. Where I have weakness, be my strength.

Well Duh!

I woke up with a strong sense for a need to pray and read the Word today. I checked my blogs, chatted with my dad on MSN Messenger and sat down, picking up where I left off in Galatians. I read about 2 chapters. Then I had a “Well Duh” moment.

I grew up as a blonde. I can tend to be a stereotypical blonde. Things that are obvious to everyone else come to me in great ephiphanies. When I share them, people look at me and say, “Well Duh!”

So in Galatians, Paul writes about how these Jewish Christians had reverted back to keeping rules in an effort to win God’s favor. They had traded their freedom in Christ for approval of men. They were afraid of what people outside would think of their faith that had changed them on the inside.

Tomorrow Jeremy and I go to interview at a church in Prescott Valley. It is a non-denominational church with CB roots. We currently go to a non-denominational church with AG roots. My dad was key in getting Jeremy and me the interview. He is a graduate of Dallas Theological and has a Doctorate in Biblical studies. He is very learned, very intelligent.

And over the past three years, as I have developed and matured in my Christianity, my views on some biblical aspects have strayed from my dad’s views. The biggest one is that my prayer life has become extremely powerful. I have a prophetic bent in my prayers. I have no business knowing the things that I pray about. I have a solid belief that is given to me during prayer concerning some situations. And it is not something I can explain, and it is not a forced emotion or some silliness. I truly believe it is the Spirit of God working through me, plain and simple.

During worship time, God reveals truths to me. I feel like I am truly insane at times. But I know not to discount them because during this time of development, I have seen these truths come to life. I have seen that when I act in faith and go speak to someone regarding what has been revealed, people are changed and blessed.

And as time goes on, these become more pronounced and more radical in nature. During praise and worship last week, I looked up at someone and I truly felt like vomiting. It was bizarre. I felt this evil presence all over this individual. The next night, as I was reading my Bible, I heard a voice clearly “He wants to kill her.”

I sat in shock for a while. I continued to read, but wasn’t digesting a word I was looking at. I knew I shouldn’t shake that feeling or what I had heard. So I called someone. We prayed. It was pretty amazing.

And I don’t know if that guy really intends on killing someone. I cannot point to concrete proof. I suppose if it ever happened, I could feel vindicated, but through prayer, my hope is that if that were the case the course of events were changed through prayer.

And I know if I told my dad any of this he would just look at me, not wanting to discount what I am saying I believe but not really believing it himself. I don’t think he believes that some spiritual gifts are as alive and well as I think they are.

And so tomorrow I am going to a church that my dad goes to in order to interview. And I am not comfortable leaving what I have learned behind. I am not comfortable watering them down, either. I think my dad might be disappointed that I do believe this strongly in the “oogie boogies”.
As you can tell, I probably still carry around some daddy’s girl in me. But in Galatians, Paul speaks out against going back to what I knew Spiritually in order to appease man.

Well Duh. I actually laughed aloud and said, “Am I really that stupid, God?” Why was I even struggling with it? To move forward in maturity in Christ or to please my natural father? Well Duh. In selfishness, I want my dad to be happy with me. I want to keep the peace and not rock the boat.

The Word of God says, “Live freely, animated and motivated by God’s Spirit. Then you won’t feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day.”

My self-interest is to be a daddy’s girl that would win his heart. My freedom in Christ motivates me to be a Daddy’s girl that would win His heart.

Galatians

I read a really good synopsis of Galatians last night. I am going to copy it here for your reading pleasure.

When men and women get their hands on religion, one of the first things they often do is turn it into an instrument for controlling others, either putting or keeping them "in their place". The history of such religious manipulation and coercion is long and tedious. It is little wonder that people who have only known religion on such terms experience release or escape from it as freedom. The problem is that the freedom turns out to be short-lived.

Paul of Tarsus was diong his diligent best to add yet another chapter to this dreary history when he was converted by Jesus to something radically and entirely different- a free life in God. Through Jesus, Paul learned that God was not an impersonal force to be used to make people behave in certain prescribed ways, but a personal Savior who set us free to live a free life. God did not coerce us from without, but set us free from within.

It was a glorious experience, and Paul set off telling others, introducing and inviting everyone he met into this free life. In his early travels he founded a series of churches in the Roman province of Galatia. A few years later Paul learned that religious leaders of the old school had come into those churches, called his views and authority into question, and were reintroducing the old ways, herding all these freedom-lving Christians back into the corral of religious rules and regulations.

Paul was, of course, furious. He was furious with the old guard for coming in with their strong-arm religious tactics and intimidating the Christians into giving up their free life in Jesus. But he was also furious with the Christians for caving in to the indimidation.

His letter to the Galatian churches helps them, and us, recover the original freedom. It also gives direction in the nature of God's gift of freedom- most necessary guidance, for freedom is a delicate and subtle gift, easily perverted and often squandered.

The Reason

Sometimes I can't put a finger on what I mean. Especially when God uses my whole life to teach me something, by the time I learn it, it is such a part of me I can' t explain what I mean.

I have never heard my heart's cry vocalized. I have never had my whole life's purpose summed up. Until this morning. It made me cry. Sometimes I feel like I am an island when it comes to how I view things. I sometimes feel like I am the only person to percieve things the way that I do.

My heart is full of people. I rejoice when they rejoice. I cry when they cry. I want to see others succeed so much and I celebrate when they finally "make it" and end up in first place that I don't notice when I end up last. I am constantly carrying around burdens for other people. Not in the sense that I am carrying it around to fix them, just carrying it around because I love them and I mourn for them. And so many people are hurting. So many people have a hard time understanding life and don't feel valuable.

I shared that I am considering adopting teens. I cannot imagine not having parents at that time in life. I cannot be their parent, but I can be a constant, my home can be their stability. And people will ask why would I help these teens? My answer is Why wouldn't I? How could I not?

Even in blogland, I get to know people and see their struggles and get to know their hearts a little bit. And I carry that around now, too. I'm just built that way I think.

My whole life purpose is to simply be here in a way that helps other people. And this was said to me (and everybody else) this morning at church. I felt validated somehow. I was raised by a pastor, but I can't say I really saw a heart that carried people's burdens around. I can't say I saw the passion for people to change. And I guess I felt a little secluded in the way I view life.

And it was an honor to me to have my heart spoken in front of people as a goal to reach. The guy was speaking about humbleness, servanthood and meekness. I know that at least my view of my life being as a tool for God and not something to satisfy myself is the right way to see things.

I value other people. I live with concern for other people. It is hard sometimes. It can be depressing in a way to love so many people and to see them stumble.

The real point of Christianity in the way we should live life is that Christianity is being a servant to all. It is what Jesus lived and breathed. He would not minister now, driven around in a limo with a chauffer. He wouldn't own a lear jet to get from one sermon to the next conference. He would live humbly, expending his life and energy to change people.

I feel validated. I have been placed where I am, and I have started here expending myself for the people that are around me. It's not about me, my comfort, my needs, my time. It is about the people around me. And the fact that I am actually on the right track with this thinking makes me all misty eyed.